Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize