i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
