I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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