You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
