sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
