I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We need to rekindle our bromance
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize