apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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