Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize