My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
