dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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