i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
