She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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