You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
