This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize