when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
