girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
