i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i think i just lost a toe
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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