pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish you could order shots online.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
