smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
