Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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