i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
