Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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