If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
