Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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