Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
