Pants 0. Shit 1.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's always time for handjobs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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