this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
