She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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