I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
