Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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