I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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