we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
