you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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