I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
