google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
