Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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