We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
