I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ttyl tear gas
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
