I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
