I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
