Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
