The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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