: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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