as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
