i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
