I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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