Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
