you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
