Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
