God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
