I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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