none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
