The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
