Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
