i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
