My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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