Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
