So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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