Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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