Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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