Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
