nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
