I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
